On the first Wednesday of each month, Jean-Eva steps away from the mic and we get the other side of the scope with Sean, the men’s dating coach from Book of Love Canada. This week, our inquisitor asks about how he can encourage his first love and longtime partner to be more emotionally intimate as he hasn’t exactly been feeling the love.
Dear Sean, how do I ask my partner for more intimacy?
My partner and I have been together for over a decade, we were each other’s first love, and have been together for the better part of a decade.
She moved in with my family right out of high school for a few years. We got our first apartment together, our first pet together, so many firsts.There is no intimacy.
Not just sexual intimacy, I mean any at all.Most recently, I was away for a 4-day work trip and when I got home, she didn’t even leave the couch to greet me with a hug or ask how my weekend was, and went straight to complaining about her weekend.
I am an affectionate partner, I love love, I’m a cuddly guy and I love showing my partner love but for the last 8 years its been either rejected, met with apathy, or only initiated by me.We’ve talked about kids and marriage but I’m worried that if things have been this way for so long, the marriage will feel loveless and any future children will feel the same lack of affection as I do right now.
Like I said, it’s my first relationship so this will be my first breakup at almost 30 years old.
How do I address this? or is this the end?
Sean is a firm believer in being a self-starter and dating your partner forever. It can take some time to learn your partner’s love language and those love languages change over time. As usual, communication is key. Listen to Sean’s advice here:
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