Serious question here: How are you taking care of yourself?
I ask this because I have discovered that I don’t know how to do it.
I mean, I know the basics: I shower, I brush my teeth, I eat, I drink water, I nap when I can, I get outside, I am (sometimes) active, and I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep in a night (I AM a mother of two kids 5 and under, so that is not usually accomplished but I DO MY BEST).
But when it comes to self-care beyond the basic human necessities… I suck at it. I REALLY do.
Let’s put it this way: Every therapist I have ever talked to has told me that I need to get better at taking time for myself. And, recently, I talked to a medium AND a psychic and, in both cases, ‘the beyond’ also told me that I need to get better at taking time to myself. Quite literally: It has gotten so bad that DEAD PEOPLE FROM BEYOND are telling me to get better at my self care.
So, clearly, I am in need of an intervention.
But… it’s hard!!
Even today, I had every intention of taking my computer to a cafe so I could indulge in a croissant while I got out of the house to write this blog… but my daughter asked me to ‘please, please, please’ stay home and do my work upstairs.
So, now I am sitting upstairs on our bed, listening to my husband’s patience wear thinner and thinner as he attempts to herd the feral kittens that I birthed. I’ve noticed that I’ve been clenching my teeth for a while now as I listen because the sounds stress me out, I can’t help but hear them, and I find it hard to focus on my work as I try to figure out whether I need to step in for some interference.
Meanwhile, my husband has no problem leaving when he wants to. He is a surfer. And, any surf widow knows: if the waves are pumping, you can expect that your spouse will be MIA. If he wants to get out to catch waves, he has no problem going for hours at a time. If the waves are really good, he has no problem going twice in a day! During hurricane season, He even had the rare 3-a-day session!
I don’t understand how he manages this – the guilt alone would keep me from ever being able to take that much weekend time away. And don’t even get me started on how my kids would react – I can’t even use the bathroom for longer than 2 minutes without one or both of them finding me to hang out. Just this morning, my youngest brought me a book and sat on my lap while I used the toilet, while my oldest stood beside me and asked questions like, “How fast is santa? Do scorpions lose their stingers? Do scorpions kill you? [side note: where the hell did this scorpion obsession come from?!] How does santa deliver all the presents? Does santa make the presents himself? What happens when people die?”
Nearly every weekend, we make a deal to BOTH have ‘me time’: If he goes surfing in the morning, for example, that means I get an equal amount of time to myself later in the day. But the problem with that is, if we BOTH take alone time, then we don’t get ‘family time’ together, and the weekend is really the only time that allows for that.
So, how could I possibly take that time to myself when it means our kiddos don’t get the ONLY time during the week when they can have both of us at once? I never REGRET choosing to spend time with my family instead of taking the time to myself. But I DO find myself feeling resentful of my husband and HIS ability to take that time, AND I know that I am at the point that I am feeling burned out.
I also worry about the message I might inadvertently be sending to my kiddos when they see daddy gets to go surf, but mommy never enjoys any of her own hobbies. In fact, when mommy gets time to ‘herself’ she’s either working, or cleaning.
Even now, dear reader, I am spending this time writing a blog.
So, I would love to hear from you: What do you consider self-care? How much self-care do YOU need? How much self-care do you GET? How do you balance the time for each of you to get to do the things you want to do apart from each other, while also getting the time together, AND the time with the family?*
